Friday, October 28, 2005

Cars R Coffins ™

With all due respect to the dudes at the CRC site... they're right.

I had to thump some donkey's minivan last night on my rush-hour scramble. I mean, I don't deny you your Gawd-given Amurikan right to drive in the bike lane, Poindexter. Just make sure to do so when I'm not IN it, k??

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, kids. Let's go visit with our neighbour, Mr. Ugly American, shall we? Oh look, speak of the devil, he's waddling out the door to climb into his Stupid Useless Vehicle. Cell phone in hand, vapid expression in place, our hero puts his mouth in gear, disengages his brain, and rolls off to Whorebuck's for his daily Fat Injection.

While consuming his 780 calories of venti-creme-caramel-flavoured bliss our boy goes on a caffeine and stress-induced miniriot. Internal dialogue sounds something like this:

"Holy hell, look at all this traffic! Jeezus, where did all these assclowns come from? Why can't they just getthehellouttamyway... dammit why won't you TURN ALREADY you stupid cow... god I ALWAYS miss that light... oh you're gonna honk at ME you bastard, you're number one, lemme show ya..."
Late for work again, with LDL-clogged arteries throbbing dangerously close to core breach status, dude proceeds to snag a donut and sits down in his little grey cubicle to embark on a day of chat room surfing, blogging, making his colleagues' lives hell and in general being a wart on the pasty white ass of society. At 12.00, he'll roll out to McDammit's and plow some gutbombs. At 17.00, he's gonna climb back in the Cage O' Death and do the Freeway Stress Fandango back to the old neighbourhood for some beer and pizza in front of the T.V., probably whilst watching the latest sitcom

Kinda makes me glad I ride my bike back and forth to work every day, DESPITE the occasional donkeys-in-minivans scenario as referenced above. How about you? Oh, I see. Too hot. Too cold. Too wet. Too windy. Too much hassle. Too too. Gotcha. No worries, mate. Checked your blood sugar lately? How those cholesterol numbers looking? Seen yer little buddy Mr. Winkie recently? How's about yer feet?

Human beings were not designed to sit on their asses in a 6' x 8' grey fabric box all day. Despite appearances to the contrary (yea, I know I'm sarcastic, so bite me), in person I'm actually happy, healthy, lean, fit and alert, a condition brought about mainly by the expedient of riding a 2-wheeled child's toy back and forth to work every day.

Commuting and training on a bicycle makes me feel alive, rejuvenated, and sharply aware of both my surroundings and my human frailty. Perhaps I'm regressing to the childhood / young adulthood that for various reasons I was always too busy or pressured by other responsibilities to enjoy. Okay, sure, I'm going through a midlife crisis. Whatever. All I know is that it's a good thing.

Stop rationalising. Get pedalling. Go ride a bike.




Blogger Marty said...

Hey Beth, there's a choice in your settings, I think, that will turn on word recognition, which will get rid of your comment spammers.

4:39 PM  
Blogger LFR said...

thanks man, fixed and you're the best. cripes, spam is everywhere!

4:51 PM  

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